{"IAmNotThe60PercentOnNotLettingTheSec":{"bf_titre":"I Am Not the 60 Percent: On Not Letting the Second Divorce Statistic Become Your Statistic","bf_description":"{{attach file=\u0022HisMrsHerMr.jpg\u0022 desc=\u0022\u0022 size=\u0022big\u0022 class=\u0022center\u0022 caption=\u0022image HisMrsHerMr.jpg (56.3kB)\u0022 nofullimagelink=\u00221\u0022}}\r\nAt one point in my life all I wanted was to not be a statistic.\r\n\r\nCraving attention and searching for the validation I longed for from my father, I gave my \u201cinnocence\u201d away as a teenager. I didn\u2019t wait until marriage.\r\n\r\nI was diagnosed with depression before I even had my driver\u2019s permit.\r\n\r\nI got pregnant at 19. I almost missed being labeled as a pregnant teen but alas, here I was. Pregnant and 19. Even worse, it was my second pregnancy something I carried in shame because I was supposed to be the good girl. Apparently I didn\u2019t learn a lesson the first time around. It is something that I am reminded of every time I go see a doctor in the OBGYN department and they ask me, \u201cHow many times have you been pregnant?\u201d\r\n\r\nThree. One miscarriage. Two births.\r\n\r\nI got married at 20. Pregnant. And separated soon after.\r\n\r\nAt 21 I was a single parent reading baby books, college text books and divorce documents.\r\n\r\n\u0022\u0022\u003Ccenter\u003E\u0022\u0022**Sponsored Ads**\r\nLooking For Divorced Singles? Try Loveawake free dating site:  \r\n[[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/United-Kingdom-dating-service.html?page=53 Divorced Singles In UK]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/United-States-dating-service.html?page=53 American Divorcees Dating]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Spain-dating-service.html?page=53 Divorced Dating in Spain]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Canada-dating-service.html?page=53 Canada Dating Site For Divorced Singles]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Australia-dating-service.html?page=53 Dating For Divorcees in Australia]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Germany-dating-service.html?page=53 Meet Divorced in Germany]]\u0022\u0022\u003C\/center\u003E\u0022\u0022\r\nThen there was that small period of time where I gave in (in young shame-filled eyes) and signed up for the WIC program and for food stamps. I didn\u2019t want to. I was embarrassed. But I was living with my mom and she was helping us as best she could. I also knew that my baby\u2019s well being was more important than my pride.\r\n\r\nOh and then, there was that time when we \u201clost\u201d our private health insurance and my baby and I sat for hours in the county doctor\u2019s office. Every visit took hours.\r\n\r\nA young, single black woman \u2014 I had been dubbed a \u201cbaby mama\u201d and stripped of promise. To many, my life was over. These are just a handful of the stats that haunted me for the majority of my life because I felt like I knew better. Some of these things I\u2019ve never typed for the world to see. Tears stream down my face as I type them. A release. I am no longer haunted by what once was.\r\n\r\nBut my story doesn\u2019t end there, somehow I persevered. I was in college when I got pregnant but I went back. And after I went back I even made the Dean\u2019s List a few times. I graduated, I returned and got my Masters and again graduated this time with honors. During that time I worked part-time, went to school full-time, maintained internships and threw myself into mothering with everything I had. She was my saving grace having changed the course of my life  (for the better) and for that I am so grateful. My child was not going to pay for her mother\u2019s poor choices. I knew God was merciful but I also knew that I had to do my part.\r\n\r\nI understood that we lived in a world where my past decisions would be held against me, perhaps held over my head, as I traveled through life. In time I would come to realize that I was more than a series of poor choices. So much more.\r\n\r\nSoon after I found myself again identifying with the latest statistics one of them blaring in my face the months leading up to my wedding day.\r\n\r\nYou\u2019ve been married before. You got divorced remember?! And according to statistics you\u2019re bound to do it again.\r\n\r\nSee, the data, as cited by Your Tango, says \u201cMore than 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.\u201d The likelihood for divorce increases with each marriage. The odds clearly weren\u2019t in my favor. And I\u2019d be lying if I didn\u2019t say that the fear of divorce rears its ugly head when marriage feels awfully hard. I don\u2019t want to do this again. The man that I am married to is the man that I want to grow old with. He is the man that I choose to love each and every day. And how blessed am I that he chooses to love me back.\r\n\r\nBut there\u2019s a thing about odds, a thing that my past shows me if I allow myself to see it. People beat the odds every day. I know because I beat some of them myself. And I plan to do it again when it comes to my marriage. I mean, the fact that we recently celebrated three years of marriage says that I am in the process of doing just that. For many of us when we read statistics an inner alarm goes off. Will that be me? Unless it\u2019s a statistic we find particularly promising we don\u2019t want to be one.\r\n\r\nDepressed\r\n19 and pregnant\r\nSingle black mother\r\nDivorced\r\nWelfare recipient\r\n\r\nI was a statistic.\r\n\r\n\u201cEarly Mama\u201d\r\nWorking mother\r\nCollege graduate\r\nRemarried (still black:)\r\nMother of two on earth and one in heaven\r\n\r\nI am a statistic. (And as I had already learned, so much more.)\r\n\r\nWhatever label is placed upon me no longer matters. I have chosen to stop being at war with my past. There will always be some aspect of my life that will make for some good data (or gossip). But my hope is that my children can look at me and see that while society may have chosen to label me I chose not to let those labels define me. I chose to work hard and fight for my future and for theirs. And because I\u2019m determined to beat the odds when it comes to divorce (not simply because I don\u2019t want to be a statistic but because I am married to the love of my life) I\u2019m fighting for my marriage too.\r\n\r\nStatistics provide information and the greatest surveys and studies often go beyond just tossing out data and perhaps offering some insight, a solution or even resources. What they don\u2019t provide is a blueprint for our lives. And they certainly don\u2019t determine how our marriages will play out. We determine that.\r\n\r\nYour marriage isn\u2019t in the hands of researchers and analysts. It\u2019s in the hands of you and your spouse.","bf_date_debut_evenement":"2022-05-20","bf_date_fin_evenement":"2022-05-29","bf_horaire":"","bf_site_internet":"http:\/\/","bf_adresse":"","bf_code_postal":"","bf_ville":"","id_typeannonce":"2","id_fiche":"IAmNotThe60PercentOnNotLettingTheSec","imagebf_image":"","fichierfichier":"","date_creation_fiche":"2025-05-28 10:47:28","statut_fiche":"1","date_maj_fiche":"2025-05-28 10:48:11","user":"185.107.162.250","owner":"","html_data":"data-bf_date_debut_evenement=\u00222022-05-20\u0022 data-bf_date_fin_evenement=\u00222022-05-29\u0022 data-id_typeannonce=\u00222\u0022 data-id_fiche=\u0022IAmNotThe60PercentOnNotLettingTheSec\u0022 data-date_creation_fiche=\u00222025-05-28 10:47:28\u0022 data-statut_fiche=\u00221\u0022 data-date_maj_fiche=\u00222025-05-28 10:48:11\u0022 ","url":"https:\/\/100pour100rural.be\/resourcesensoi\/?IAmNotThe60PercentOnNotLettingTheSec"},"RomancingYourselfToLove":{"bf_titre":"Romancing Yourself To Love","bf_description":"{{attach file=\u0022948648076612x612.jpg\u0022 desc=\u0022\u0022 size=\u0022big\u0022 class=\u0022center\u0022 caption=\u0022image 948648076612x612.jpg (49.6kB)\u0022 nofullimagelink=\u00221\u0022}}\r\nI was invited to a wedding in Mexico for two of my very close friends. (I actually introduced them.) It was a few months after I started my new hypnotherapy practice and I decided that I would \u201cmanifest\u201d my boyfriend in time to bring him as my date for the wedding. After all, my mind creates my reality so I decided to make it happen.\r\n\r\nA few single girls asked me to share a room, but I smugly denied, saying that I was going to meet my man before the wedding and will be bringing a date. When the travel agent called to reserve my tickets at the all-inclusive resort, I eagerly placed a deposit down for two people. Debi and her fictitious boyfriend, Robert Wright, all set for Mexico.\r\n\r\n\u0022\u0022\u003Ccenter\u003E\u0022\u0022**Sponsored Ads**  \r\nLooking For Husband Online? Try Loveawake Free Dating Site:  \r\n[[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Canada-dating-service.html?page=60 I Want A Canadian Husband]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Australia-dating-service.html?page=60 Aussie Husband Online]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Brazil-dating-service.html?page=60 Find A Husband in Brazil]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Argentina-dating-service.html?page=60 Find Argentinian Spouse]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/India-dating-service.html?page=60 Get an Indian Husband]] | [[https:\/\/www.loveawake.com\/free-online-dating\/Mexico-dating-service.html?page=60 Find A Mexican Husband Online]]\u0022\u0022\u003C\/center\u003E\u0022\u0022\r\nAs the time neared for the balance to be paid, even with though no Mr. Wright appearing yet, I decided that I would give him more time. I gladly paid the balance for my future boyfriend, knowing he would soon show up and pay for our entire trip because he will be so successful. I was starting to secretly panic.\r\n\r\nI was still single a month before the wedding, so now I was getting desperate. Any man would do at this point. I couldn\u2019t get my deposit back so I started calling all my ex-flings to see if they wanted to come to Mexico for a vacation. They all were insulted and asked me, \u201cWho was supposed to go with you? I don\u2019t want to be the back-up or second choice!\u201d I explained that I didn\u2019t have anyone in particular and they didn\u2019t believe me.\r\n\r\nTwo weeks before the wedding I was asking anyone (even my girlfriends) if they wanted to go on a free Mexican vacation. All they would have to do is pay for airfare. No one could make it. I had to suck it up and eat for two the entire week.\r\n\r\nAt first I was upset because of my lack of power in the boyfriend manifestation process. Then, my coach told me something really cool. She said why do you need a man to have a romantic time. Go and enjoy that room and romance yourself. It was a great lesson so I booked a few more days earlier just to be by myself before all the wedding hoopla began at another resort.\r\n\r\nI had the most amazing romantic trip with myself. I played the music I wanted to listen to and took myself on long beach walks. I ate dinner by myself but received plenty of attention from the waiters. I sat across from the empty chair at dinner and pretended that I was with the love of my life. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I was my own best friend, companion and true love.\r\n\r\nThe best thing about this trip is that I really got how I was so attached to finding someone on a time frame. I saw the tension it caused me to put so much pressure on attracting my true love. Trying to FORCE love to happen was not going to work. I allowed myself to surrender to the moment and let go of WHEN and kept believing that I knew it would happen.\r\n\r\nWhen I got to the hotel where the wedding was scheduled, I started to feel a little nervous and uncomfortable being by myself. I walked up to the registration desk and gave the woman my name. She said, \u201cOh Debra Berndt, where is Mr. Right?\u201d I laughed out loud and it released all the pressure. I answered, \u201cWell, I really would like to know!\u201d\r\n\r\nWhen you stop taking the search for love so hard and serious, you can finally relax and enjoy the journey. Trust that he will come and you won\u2019t see him coming around the mountain. I met Robert a few months later. At least I got the first name right!\r\n\r\nWhere would you take yourself on a romantic trip? Enter your comments below.","bf_date_debut_evenement":"2022-06-23","bf_date_fin_evenement":"2022-06-25","bf_horaire":"","bf_site_internet":"http:\/\/","bf_adresse":"","bf_code_postal":"","bf_ville":"","id_typeannonce":"2","id_fiche":"RomancingYourselfToLove","date_creation_fiche":"2025-06-06 12:14:16","statut_fiche":"1","imagebf_image":"","fichierfichier":"","date_maj_fiche":"2025-06-06 12:14:16","user":"43.172.197.246","owner":"","html_data":"data-bf_date_debut_evenement=\u00222022-06-23\u0022 data-bf_date_fin_evenement=\u00222022-06-25\u0022 data-id_typeannonce=\u00222\u0022 data-id_fiche=\u0022RomancingYourselfToLove\u0022 data-date_creation_fiche=\u00222025-06-06 12:14:16\u0022 data-statut_fiche=\u00221\u0022 data-date_maj_fiche=\u00222025-06-06 12:14:16\u0022 ","url":"https:\/\/100pour100rural.be\/resourcesensoi\/?RomancingYourselfToLove"}}